Just when you think you have things figured out as a parent, a second baby comes and shakes things up.
The reality is, everything changes when you become a mom.
When your first child is born, your life revolves around bottles and nap schedules and you learn to live on less sleep in the beginning. But you eventually get through the newborn fog and find your groove as a family.
When you and your partner are ready to add to your family, it can be exciting but nerve wracking thinking about how a second baby will change things.
We are going to talk about the truths about having a second baby that you won’t find on a second baby checklist or list of second baby must haves. Instead, it covers things you should know before having a second baby so that you have better idea of what to expect when your family becomes a party of four!
This post is all about a second baby.
#1 – It’s Easier Than You Think
I’m not saying it will be easy from day 1. But it will be easier in the sense that you already know what to expect from the newborn phase and that you will need to adjust and pivot as your baby grows and develops.
Having a second baby comes with tougher things too like sibling jealousy and quite literally having your hands full at all times. There is no doubt that there will be times when your toddler wakes your baby up from a nap or you feel like you are running on fumes between newborn sleep and a toddler who is ready for the day at 6am.
But once you find your new groove, there is nothing better than having a second baby.
The things you worried about with your first baby probably will not be things that you stress about with your second baby. Every baby is different of course but you just figure it out.
#2 – Your Heart Doubles In Size
Your heart truly grows once you have a second baby. When you are pregnant, you probably wonder if you are ready for a second baby and you question how you can love anyone as much as your first baby… but it’s possible!
Having a second baby changes everything because you know just how fast they grow up. You love a little harder, hold them a little longer and cherish each moment a little more.
Once you have a 2nd baby, you will wonder how you ever lived without two kids. It’s wild!
#3 – You Will Have More Confidence This Time Around
The beauty of a second baby is that you will have more perspective, self assurance and experience with everything parenting the second time around.
Of course every baby is different but you probably will not worry as much about the small things that do not matter.
Things that will help you from your first baby:
- More realistic expectations of newborn sleep
- Prior experience with breastfeeding and/or bottle feeding
- Knowledge about car seats and what you need to pack in a diaper bag to leave the house
- General knowledge about safe baby sleep, nap schedules and a bedtime routine
- You have been through teething before
- Exposure to daycare and/or you have experience staying at home with your first child.
#4 – You Will Need To Lean On Your Village More Than Ever
Some people find it harder to go from no kids to one kid while others find it harder to go from one to two kids.
No matter which you feel, you will need your village more than ever when you bring your second baby home.
Having two babies is a game changer no matter what. Your heart and hands are so full – in a good way – but having two little kids can be a lot at times. Between your toddler needing to adjust initially and your newborn needing a lot of attention, it can be extremely helpful to have another person to help.
Plus, once your baby gets a little older, you will have two children on the move!
Here are some ways your friends and family can help during the newborn stage:
- Play with your toddler or take them out of the house for a few hours
- Hold your second baby while you shower or nap
- Hang out with you to break up the day
- Be a second set of hands for errands, doctors appointments, etc.
- Give you their ear to listen to any struggles or when you need to vent
- Pick up or make food
- Wash the dishes
- Fold laundry
#5 – Your Kids Will Love Each Other
The bond between siblings is one of the most beautiful things. Despite your initial fears and probably an adjustment period, your kids really will love each other.
Sure, there will be some sibling jealousy but I can almost guarantee that both of your kids will light up when they see each other come into the room.
And as your second baby gets older and older, he will be able to play and interact more with your oldest.
I was the pregnant mom who worried endlessly about her baby becoming an older brother and how he would transition. But let me tell you, giving your only child a sibling is one of the best gifts you can give him or her!
#6 – You Will Find A New Groove
You can expect to feel overwhelmed by two kids and wonder how you will ever handle it.. but you will find find a groove, I promise!
The first few weeks are a little chaotic as they should be. They are filled with recovery, round the clock feeding and little sleep at night on top of making sure your toddler’s needs are met too.
But as soon as your baby starts napping a little more consistently and your body starts to heal and get more sleep, you will settle into a groove. This is normal and expected!
Like anything with kids though, you will constantly be shifting and finding a new routine as your baby gets older each month. So just when you think you have figured things out, you will inevitably need to adapt to a new routine.
#7 – Your First Child May Regress Initially
When I was pregnant with my second baby, I was so nervous about how he would impact my toddler.
- How would he react?
- How would I be able to give him the attention he needs?
- What would the transition look like?
- So many emotions about him not being the baby anymore…
As it turns out, my toddler did so much better than expected!
But he also had some regressions too, which are normal. He wanted to be held more again, wanted someone else to hold the baby so he could have my full attention and had some big emotions.
This was very normal though and anticipated! A toddler becoming a big sibling is a huge adjustment and therefore it will take him or her time to adjust.
Depending on your toddler’s age, you might also be moving him out of the crib and/or potty training. I recommend doing these types of big transitions at least six weeks before or after the second baby arrives to minimize any extra regressions that may occur.
Things that helped with sibling jealousy and regressions include:
- Extra 1:1 time with your toddler – in or out of the house
- Undivided attention, even if it’s only 10 minutes at a time!
- Special bedtime routine
- Lots of praise
- Telling him “I’m so glad to see you!” when he wakes up in the morning
- Letting him help with the baby – getting a diaper or wipe, throwing diapers away, shaking a bottle, getting a toy for baby, singing a lullaby before nap time, etc.
#8 – Your Second Baby Will Be Different Than Your First
I think it is so important to note that each pregnancy, birth, and baby are different. Although you will have had prior experience, your second pregnancy, second birth and second baby will probably differ from your first.
I think this is especially helpful to know when you enter the newborn phase and fourth trimester of pregnancy. Your second baby might be fussier or more content than the first, he might sleep through the night earlier or wake up more overnight, he might do really well with feedings or have reflux. The list goes on and on because each baby is different in their own unique way.
The best thing you can do is use your prior experience to your advantage but also be ok with things looking different than they were the first time around.
#9 – You Will Feel Guilty At Times
Mom guilt has a sneaky way of creeping in at some point or another. But one of the keys to parenting two littles with confidence is to learn how to navigate and push through it.
One of the most interesting things about mom guilt is that it does not matter if you work in a corporate setting or are a stay at home mom. Both types of women will admit to experiencing it for a wide range of reasons.
But I think one of the more common occurrences moms of two will experience has to do with the time spent with each child.
It is important to recognize that you will not be able to evenly split your time – especially when a newborn needs so much of you – but you will find a way to spend quality one-on-one time with both kids. It might take you a little time to get out of the newborn phase and find a groove, any guilt you have as a result of your second baby will naturally work itself out.
Have you ever noticed that men do not seem to experience much guilt when it comes to their children? So why should we subject ourselves to it as women and moms? I already know you are a supermom if you are reading here so let yourself relax a little and enjoy the journey 🙂
#10 – Time Alone With Your Partner Is Even More Important
Once you start growing your family, but especially after your 2nd baby, it becomes even more crucial to enjoy alone time with your partner.
It is easy to get caught up in the newborn phase or feeling like you are constantly on the go when you have children. By the time your toddler takes a nap or kids go to bed, you are probably ready to get right into bed too some nights.
But whether it is scheduled or spur of the moment (less likely with multiple kids), time alone to connect and talk to another adult is so refreshing. And your kids need happy parents first and foremost.
#11 – Your List of 2nd Baby Must Haves Will Be Short
By the time you have another child, you really know what you do and don’t need. You might already have a lot of clothing and baby toys and you also recognize all of the extra “stuff” that is not necessary. For this reason, your 2nd baby must haves list is usually pretty short.
Some of the top items I recommend including on a 2nd baby registry or purchasing yourself include:
- Additional clothing (if needed)
- Double stroller – this is hands down my favorite!
- Second crib (if needed)
- New nipples for bottles
- Diapers and wipes
- New car seat (unless old one isn’t expired)
- Sound machine
- Baby monitor with split screen
This post was all about a second baby.